Your Silence

You whispered to me silently and I still cannot hear, the depth of your pain. You make open gestures, and I pass you by in cold rain. There was a peace once, a peace to our love and no matter the situation, we had our love. But now today, with the rain falling down, I am left with empty memories, that you corrupted somehow. So when you try to talk to me, in any fashion at all. All I hear is your silence and my heart beating strong.

xoxo

A Single Tear

I tried to cry

But my eyes could not

We stood there

Looking at one another

Frozen in the moment

Neither one of us wanting to speak what truly was on our minds

Eventually you smiled

And spoke those words

The words you’ve been telling me all along

You were leaving

But it wasn’t me

The timing was all wrong

You needed to breathe 

I let out a sigh

What could I do

Your mind was made up

It was a fight I would lose

You walked out the door

Head held down

And a single tear 

Was the only sound.
xoxo, laportsia

Pend Magazine: An Introduction 

I have decided to take on a new venture. I have decided to launch a magazine, a poetry magazine. I’m completely excited about the venture. So what does a person need to run such a venture? Content, they need content. Pend Magazine will publish the best kind of poetry from all genres, and encourages poetry that takes risks. Poetry submissions are being accepted now through January 31st for the upcoming issue. If you are interested in submitting up to 5 poems, no more than 3 pages long each, email your poems to pendmag@pendpublishing.com or stop by our website http://www.pendpublishing.com. I look forward to reading your poems.

laportsia

Running 13.1 Miles to Save Lives

Hello! This year was a great volunteer year for me as I dedicated over 100 hours to worthy causes. Well here we are coming up on the end of
this great year and I have decided to bump up my volunteer activities. On top of the 125 volunteer hours I have pledged for next year, I have also decided to change it up and push the limits of my volunteer activities all for a very worthy cause. So next year
on May 14 I have committed to running 13.1 miles, a half marathon, and raising money for The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society (LLS) as a participant in their Team In Training program. And I am asking you for your help. It’s quite simple you just make a donation
to my fundraising campaign.

Please use the link in this post to donate online quickly and securely plus learn more about my progress. You will receive a confirmation
of your donation by email and I will be notified as soon as you make your donation. http://pages.teamintraining.org/vtnt/tinkerb17/LWallace

Each donation helps accelerate finding a cure for leukemia, lymphoma and myeloma. Nearly 958,000 Americans are battling these blood cancers.
I am hoping that my participation in Team In Training will help bring them hope and support. On behalf of The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society, thank you very much for your support. I greatly appreciate your generosity.

Thank you,

Alive

I’m so tired right now
I sit here and try to imagine a world
Where I am alive with energy
And it’s hard to imagine this world
I slump forward in my chair
And compress my chest
The breath doesn’t come so easily these days
I pull out my pen and paper
And try to write a sweet song
But all the words come out the same.
I have become mediocre
And I resent that evolution
I must make the change to be the person I was born to be
Whoever she is
I search the internet and find no answers
I search the faces of my friends and family
And find blank and unsteady answers amongst them
They don’t know me
I don’t know me
And this lack of knowledge wears me out
So I sit and contemplate
The existence of this life
And there are days when it makes no sense to me at all
But I push on
For I am desperate to find the elusive state of happiness
And when I do
I will then and only then
Be able to imagine a world
Where I am alive.

laportsia

The Embankment

I’ve decided to post something a bit different, a short story. Enjoy!

The Embankment
The pain was unbearable. Where was it coming from? I checked my shoulders and my neck, all fine. My head, ah, the blood ran down my finger. I hoped it wasn’t a large gash. The knowledge now made me feel every trickle that ran down my neck. I looked to the back seat, Rebecca was screaming but secure in her car seat. I unbuckled myself as fast as I could and climbed to the back seat to grab her. Oh my goodness, where was Henry? I searched the back seat, trying my best to stay calm. His car seat was empty. I checked the door, good, I had remembered to put the child lock on this time. I climbed further back into the van, Henry I called out. Rebecca held me tight. She shivered in my arms. I looked to the front of the van and the realization hit me like a ton of bricks, where was Jack, where was my husband. Maybe he’d gotten out and took Henry with him. I climbed back to the front of the van with Rebecca clinging to me; she was not going to let me go. I tried to open the passenger door, it wouldn’t budge, we must be up against something. I moved towards the driver’s side reaching for the door handle. I couldn’t get to it. Rebecca and I together could not make it. Rebecca was not going to let go of me long enough to get the door opened. With Rebecca still hanging on tightly, I was able to move the driver’s seat back as far as it would go and open the door. It was so dark. I had no idea where we were, and worst what was out there. I readjusted Rebecca and searched for solid ground. It was soft so I knew we were in a grassy area. I looked around hoping my eyes would adjust faster to the pitch-blackness. I walked towards the back of the van, what hit us? The left rear was smashed in completely. I took a deep breath and held Rebecca tighter. She sobbed uncontrollably in my neck. We were up against an embankment, which was why I couldn’t get the door opened. My head was beginning to ache even more. It was cold out here; neither Rebecca nor I had a jacket. We hadn’t brought any I thought. Where were we headed, that I couldn’t remember. Where was Jack? I looked up the embankment, there had to be a road or something up there. I searched for a path. I didn’t know if I was going to be able to climb it with Rebecca so tight to me, but I had to try. I took one arm from around Rebecca and felt her grip tighten. I assured her and told her that I was not going to let her go; I just needed to get us up this hill. This calmed her for the moment. The embankment proved steeper than I first thought and I literally had to crawl to the top. At the top, I saw nothing but trees. Panic began to set in; there was no road. Were we stranded? What had happened to Jack and to Henry? Were they even alive? Was I dreaming? Tears began to stream down my face but I remembered the tiny bundle of everything that I was holding. I had to get her out of here. She was what I had to hold onto for now. I would think about Jack and Henry, when we were safe. I strained in the darkness to make out a path. Was there a direction that was better, being navigationally challenged, I couldn’t even begin to answer that question. I decided we would walk straight and I stepped ever so cautiously over branches and leaves. As I walked, I noticed ever so faint shadows of light dancing in the darkness, they seemed to get brighter, and then I heard what sounded like sirens. I froze and listened harder. I slowly turned and saw what must have hit me as disbelief. In the far distance, up the cliff side, beyond the embankment we had just climbed out of, was an assemblage of flashing lights. The distance was so great they simply merged into one great light. Everything came back to me at once. We were driving down Route 1201; it was the scenic road across Talbor Mountain. The four of us had enjoyed ice cream at Talbor Lodge. It was such a beautiful night. I wanted to gaze at the stars as we rode home. But we didn’t make it home. I remembered bright lights, brakes squealing and the sound of metal colliding. Then I woke up in the van. By this time I’d run back to the embankment. We had fallen; down into a ravine. I couldn’t breathe. We had fallen, a long way down. Panic set in once again. How were little Rebecca and I going to get back up the mountain? I held my angel tighter and the tears once again flooded my eyes. Logic has always been my friend and it set in at that moment. They were looking for us. They would be looking for us; it was just a matter of time. The question then became how much time because the temperature was dropping fast and I could feel the blood from my head wound soaking the waistband of my skirt.

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xoxo,
laportsia